Grandma Winder passed away last night. The nurse said she probably wouldn't make it through the nigh and just a few minutes later Grandma took a deep breath, leaned her head back and left.
We were so grateful to have the 4 months to live with her. I learned so much from her in that short amount of time. She had a hard life, living in poor conditions, working on a farm, and growing everything they ate. She never really had much, and on the day she died she didn't have much, but to her she had everything. She had family that is sealed in the temple, a testimony of the gospel, and love in her heart. To her the Church wasn't something you believe in, she just knew that it was true. Whenever she spoke about the Church you knew that she knew for a fact everything was true. She was always very generous with the few things she did have.
I am so happy that Grandma was able to reunite with her family members, especially her husband who has been gone for 13 years. She talked about him a lot. She wondered if she would recognize him when she saw him again. Would he be in his younger body or his older body? Again, she just knew she would see him.
She is out of pain and is rejoicing over all the people she is now meeting that she only knew on paper. She did a lot of genealogy work on the earth so I'm sure many people are thanking her right now.
Even though I am happy Grandma is in a better place, it's hard to think that she is gone. Next time I go to Utah she won't be in her lazy boy waiting to see us with her huge smile. She is the first person I've really known to have passed away so I'm having a hard time grasping the idea that she is gone. I know I'll see her again, but it's going to be a long time from now.
The thing that makes this all harder, is that I wrote her a letter earlier this week thanking her for her example and expressing our love for her. She didn't get to read it. I waited too long to write a letter that was very over due. My tears are tears of joy and sorrow. I wish I didn't wait so long to write the letter. I thought I had more time. I pictured her lying on the bed reading the letter with that cute smile on her face. I hope that she can somehow know what was in that letter and still have that smile on her face.
So one thing I've learned from this is to never think I have more time. I need to do everything I want to do and say everything I want to say now. I'll never know when I'll be saying goodbye for the last time and I never want to have this feeling of regret again.
Goodbye Grandma Winder. We love you dearly and will miss you terribly.