Tuesday, August 14, 2012

My thoughts and feelings right now

I am 37 weeks along and I have mixed feelings about this baby coming early or late. Of course I want her to come soon because I'm tired of feeling so uncomfortable all the time. (I woke up 3 times last night to go to the bathroom!) However, her coming is going to change every part of our lives.

I'm really enjoying the one on one time I've been spending with Macy. She is so cute and I love hearing all of her songs and stories she tells me. I love watching all of her facial expressions when she talks and watching her discover and learn new things. I don't want her to grow up. I know she'll still be here with me once Baby is born but things won't be the same. I am so grateful I get to stay home with her and spend every day with her. She is in such a sweet stage right now and I love every second of it.

Then I feel bad saying that because I don't want Baby #2 to think I don't want her here, because I do. It will take some adjusting I guess. I want to be able to spend time with her and with Macy. That's possible right? Before getting pregnant this time we thought, "How will we ever love another child as much as we love Macy? Can our hearts hold that love?" I'm not worried about that now. I know the instant I see this little girl I will love her. My hearts doesn't have to divide my love between two children, it expands to hold even more love than I once thought possible.

Macy is still excited about baby sister and wants her to come out. She has toys ready for her to play with and wants to dress her in the baby clothes. I hope she loves her sister as much as she does now once she is in our home with us. I think she will because any time there is a baby around she wants to play with the baby and hold the baby and talk to the baby. If the baby leaves she says, "More baby, Mommy!"I know Macy will love her sister, most of the time.

My other concerns are about the labor and birth of this baby. Macy was two weeks early. Will this one be early? Labor with Macy was very easy and fast. Will this one be easy and fast?

This pregnancy has been so different than my first.
With Macy I:

  • had nausea, threw up but only once
  • had bad back pain
  • was tired but not extremely
  •  carried her higher. I felt her in my ribs.
  • didn't feel fat
  • ate more food towards the end
This time:
  • little nausea, no throwing up
  • no back pain
  • sciatic nerve pain in my hip
  • carrying very low. Pretty sure she's right on my bladder.
  • belly is bigger
  • gained more weight
  • got extremely fatigued at the beginning
  • got really hungry the 2nd trimester
Because things have been so different I'm very curious to see if the labor will be different too. I sure hope not because Macy's labor was so easy! Can I really have good enough luck to have two easy labors?

Although I want this baby to come soon so I don't have to use the bathroom every hour and so I can move around without my hip screaming at me, I want her to stay in as long as needed. I'm pretty sure I'm physically ready for her to come. I have all the needed diapers, clothes, car seat, etc ready. My body is ready to go back to normal too. I was thinking that 9 months is a long time to feel uncomfortable; that's almost a year! Plus, I don't feel like myself for 4 or 5 months after the baby is born too. Moms give up a lot for these children. It's a good thing they are totally worth it.

I'm getting more emotionally ready for her to come. I need to pray for strength. I remember being so completely exhausted when Macy was a newborn. How will I manage to take care of a newborn and a toddler? How will I not break down every day? The other part of me tells me not to worry because I know my body and mind step up and do what they need to do. They've done it before and they'll do it again. 

Life will be hard for a time while we all transition into a family of four. But I think there will be an abundance of love in our home that will make things easier. I'm very much looking forward to having two little princesses around. 

Now that all this is said- feel free to come any time baby! As long as it's after 10:30 p.m. on August 16th. Your dad is in Alabama until then :)


Chelsey said...

Laura, first of all, Ja needs to get home!!! I feel like the baby is going to come as I am reading your post! Your concerns are all valid and the fact that you are already trying to sort through your emotions will help a lot once the baby is here. Remember that Heavenly Father gives extra help to mom's, especially tired ones! I will pray that you will have a good delivery and well taken care of by your dr. Let's get this baby here (after 10:30 on 8/16 of course)!

Amy said...

oh yes, you will be exhausted, and it will be hard to balance your time for a while, but then the first year will pass by and you'll think - that wasn't so bad! We did it, and it was great! The sweet moments will carry you through the tough ones. I'm so excited for you - Macy is going to be a great big sister, and having 2 girls is so great! We'll be thinking of you!

Book Dragon said...

sending hugs!